Tuesday, 26 June 2018


Till death does us apart” seems to have become simply a statement to be made at weddings. Surely every marriage is different and one cannot judge unless it’s happening to you. But, there is no denying that there are some universal truths and golden rules when it comes to saving that knot you chose to tie. Problems are a part of every marriage. The difficulties that arise in the relationship and household can be worked out, if you take the right steps. 

Many reasons contribute to this downward spiral. Emotional detachment, hurt feelings or resentment can lead to marriages falling apart, which can possibly be fixed. There are times when couples try to bury the hatchet, but some scars take forever, or even never, to heal. In such cases, there isn’t any option but to separate amicably. But, how do you determine the watershed moment, the loud voice in your head saying, “This is over”? How do you understand that you’ve hit rock bottom in your relationship? So, if you think you’re in a marriage that is impending a divorce, these may be a few signs to look for: 

1. Lack Of Mutual Respect: 

Respect is one of the foundations that help build a long-lasting relationship. Mutual respect is necessary for a healthy married life. Without respect, a partner may feel rejected, dominated and even inferior. Everything that seems to be good will fall apart as soon as the respect is gone. Attacking, defending, and uncivilized behavior, are a few things to look for if you think you are being disrespected. If either or both of you lose respect for one another, it is time to draw the line. 

2. One Person Stops Trying: 

A relationship can never work single-handedly. In a marriage there will be problems that would seem insurmountable. But the scope of improvement remains until one stops putting efforts to amend the desecration. It may seem that only one person is trying to check what is going wrong and make corrections while the other person is just not willing to go along. We can only imagine the frustration of the one who keeps trying but failing. The alliance will never go anywhere and that is the time which calls for parting ways. 

3. One Sees Where Things Go Wrong But Doesn’t Bother: 

This is the worse way in which you can drag a marriage into the sewer. Communication is important and you can go on rambling about a matter to your partner. It may be irritating and annoying but it still offers hope to the sustenance of the couple’s togetherness. Clarification is the stepping stone towards mending the flaws or mistakes. When you do feel something is going wrong but still don’t make a move or rather don’t at all care about it, it is an indication of a failed marriage and lost love. 

4. Every (Minor) Argument Ends In A Fight: 

You would know when your relationship turns into an everyday routine of frivolous fights. No, we are not talking about the serious ones but the ones which begin from nothing and yet drain all your energy. The smallest of things like, who would use the bathroom, moving the couch or even what cuisine to order, may trigger arguments. But when the heat of the conversations rises to a point where it turns into an uncontrollable brawl is when you should take a step back. When the issue is a shallow one, the dispute should also be a minor one. If you and your spouse are going through serious feuds at every other hour, your relationship is showing signs of trouble. 

5. You’ve Literally Uncoupled: 

A strong sense of disconnection, not only psychological but also physical will prevail if you have uncoupled with your spouse. Among many couples, drifting apart physically after a certain period comes when the emotional connection is lost. You may see that there is no attraction towards one another or no wish to spend quality time with each other. In fact, the idea of hanging out with friends seems to be a relief. If making love, sexual tension and intimacy are way too distant from a couple, they have possibly disengaged from one another. After a point, no love life turns into no life at all and the couple ends up in the divorce court. 

6. Communication Seems Unfamiliar: 

Communication is as important in a relationship as caring. A lack of communication can drag a couple into facing or doing things that they would have never imagined in the first place. Conveying honest feelings have no substitute. Personal opinions, intimate thoughts and fears, even dreams and fantasies, all account for a positive transmission of energy in the relationship. It is a good way of relieving stress and building a stronger bond. Of course, you don’t have to tell each other every single detail of the day, like what you had for lunch or which train you took. But, consider the grounds of marriage shaking a bit at a time if those are the only things you ever talk about. 

7. Your Dreams Don’t Include Your Spouse: 

There may have been times when you think of traveling to a part of the world that has been on your wish list but you don’t want your partner to travel along with you. You may see yourself sitting on the shack of your condo by the beach, ten years down the line, but you cannot stand the idea of your partner sitting beside you. Daydreaming about how your life would be without your spouse is the first step towards the marriage falling apart. Falling in love with that dream and harboring hidden wishes to achieve a life patterned in such manner is the time when you can consider the relationship to be at its last stage. 

8. Negative Defense Mechanisms: 

You may feel that your partner is no longer fostering your dreams and growth as he used to do in the earlier stages of the relationship. On the contrary, if you express any concern or issue that needs to be addressed, he gets defensive. When you talk about your needs or requirements, do you encounter criticism instead of a helping hand? This tells highly of how much the marriage has suffered already. If all you or your partner do is become defensive about your self while trying to defuse a dangerous situation, be sure that the marriage is headed to a downfall. 

9. Not Compromising On Wants And Needs: 

The lifelong saga of compromises and sacrifices that a marriage is may be the first thing one learns about it. A major part of the couple’s life entails them to fulfill the need of the partner besides taking care of your needs. But, the refusal of a partner to realize and deliver the need of the other brings mayhem to the marriage. It may be time, some kind of help or affection that your spouse is expecting from you. The failure to accomplish them continuously would eventually lead to your partner’s frustration and an emotional outburst. If this stress is not catered to and the couple does not reconnect, it may cause a failed wedlock. 

10. One Spouse Engages In Infidelity: 

Cheating is not necessarily a sign that your marriage is over but is a definite sign of a failed marriage. However, for many couples, it has turned out to be beneficial as it made the relationship stronger, of course after a confrontation. Others have limped through the marriage even after knowing that their spouse is unfaithful. If you can recover from the difficulty and still remain together, the marriage may last but there is a fear that regrets may haunt you in the future. But, there are ones who have a problem with being faithful and cannot remain committed to one person for long. That is a problem that cannot be fixed and is likely to prove catastrophic for your marriage. 

11. An Unfaithful Spouse Keeps An Ex-Lover As A Friend: 

As a continuation of the last point, ending a relationship involving adultery may not be all that one needs to be worried about. If your spouse has been unfaithful and if he still maintains a friendly relationship with the one with whom he had cheated on you, you need to be worried. It is not enough to end infidelity not because there are chances that your partner may end up cheating again. It is important to let go of the one or things that are a continuous reminder of the fact that you had once been cheated. It becomes a problem for the affected one to move past the emotional struggle that had almost been the kiss of death for the marriage and that may prove cynical for the future. 

12. Different Ideas Of Marriage And Future: 

This is often the scenario when a couple doesn’t have unified goals when it comes to married life. It may be the moral, ethical or lifestyle values that differ between the two of you but it surely poses a lot of harm for your future. You may not want children immediately but his plans include having a family as soon as possible. You may want to stay separately but he wants to live in a big joint family with his parents and brothers. When couples fail to chalk out future plans and goals together, they themselves end up to be a threat to their own happy married life. 

13. Arguing Repeatedly Over The Same Subject: 

Have you ever felt like you and your spouse are having the same fights and arguments over and over again? It almost becomes a routine for some couples to face the same issues but somehow they never manage to come up with a permanent solution that will put an end to it. If you think that you can bury the hatchet every time without resolving the matter, it would cause a great amount of harm in the long run. Creating a vicious circle which never seems to make its way out is a sure way to prolong your marriage which will only end up to be a futile one. 

14. You Never Seem To Be Right, According To Your Partner: 

It feels good to be appreciated, especially when it comes from your loved one. But has it been years for you that you’ve not heard any positive comment from your partner, every in the day-to-day tasks, let alone a compliment? When criticism takes over compliments, one starts nursing hatred, possibly secretly for the other person. The submissive one often remains intimidated and feels afraid ar thinks several times before saying something or sharing a thought. The chronic complaints of a control freak can keep you subdued but only for a certain period of time. Soon an outburst of emotions will take over and eventually lead the way to ending the marriage. 

15. You Feel All Alone Solving Marital Problems: 

Walking away and behaving like and escapist is possibly the easiest way to overcome a marital problem. But there may be one partner in a relationship who is willing to sort things out while all that the other person does is to turn his back on conflicts. If you feel that your spouse is dumping responsibilities on you and staying away from all possible dissensions, it may spell the end for a mutual partnership. No one is single-handedly responsible for all the problems of marital life and to talk and comprehend them is the ideal way to deal with them rather than always fleeing the complex subjects. It takes two to solve a problem that has been created by two and when it doesn’t work out that way, it paves the path towards an unrequited marriage. 

Love, trust, and faith are not the only things that a marriage stands on. There is a lot more to a marriage than the stereotypical concepts of it. To give your marriage another chance is always a good idea. After all, it is a matter of spending the rest of your life with the one you love. 

Couples should therefore pay rapt attention to these red flags and find immediate and lasting solutions to them, if they wish to save their marriages. Maturity is a vital tool here. 

Marriage is a vocation, a divine call which must be treated as sacred and holy. 

Good luck!


Disclaimer: Comment expressed do not reflect the opinion of Isaac Yoma