Wednesday, 20 June 2018

Why Do People Get Married? 14 Things You Should Know Before Walk Down The Aisle

Your friends are pairing off, and you feel like it’s time to settle down. Are you just giving in to peer pressure, or do you really want to marry your current partner? 

Although loving someone and having the seemingly perfect relationship both probably sound like enough for you to rush to the altar, getting married requires more than just love.

For many, there are some signs that let you truly know it's time to say "I do" and cross the threshold into an eternity together. 

"The goal is to find someone who shares your same values, wants the same things for the relationship that you do, naturally agrees with you on how to obtain those things, and last but not least, have a mutual depth of love and desire for one another," 

Marriage is a lifestyle choice, not a requirement." 

It may be easy to fall into the societal reasons of why you should rush to get married, but while you're going down your list of points to prove why you're ready, remember that a wedding is for a day, but your marriage — if you chose right — will last you a lifetime. 

These will help you decide if you are really ready to walk down the aisle with your special one. 

1. You know why you want to get married. 

There are pictures of tuxedos and white dresses all over your Facebook feed—is that what you want? Do you just want to be able to say you’re married, or do you really want to spend your life with your partner? Think about why you want to get married. What benefits will you get from marrying your partner, as opposed to continuing your relationship as it is? Ask yourself the hard questions and make sure you’re ready for marriage. 

2. You're in love with someone you truly want to spend the rest of your life with. 

Though many people may fantasize about getting married when they're kids, anyone who says they're ready to get married and isn't even in a relationship is only chasing after marital status. 

"Whoever you're with should be the catalyst or the reason why you are suddenly having thoughts about marriage," he said. "In other words, this person met the requirements of your must-haves list and successfully cleared the milestones in your mate selection process. Compatibility trumps compromise. Like attracts like and opposites attract divorce attorneys!" 

It's better to let your relationship evolve naturally into thoughts of marriage than to pursue every relationship with marriage in mind. 

3. You know what they’re really like. 

Does your partner seem to do everything perfectly? Are they always in agreement with you or seem to compromise with everything you say? That's not always a good thing. 

One of the biggest mistakes anyone can make is becoming engaged or married to someone they really don't know. It's important not to make any lifetime decisions while you're still in the "infatuation phase" or early on during a new courtship. It's almost a cliché to hear someone say: 'He/she is not the same person I fell in love with.' It takes time to truly get to know someone! There are only two ways to experience joy and peace of mind in relationships. We either get what we want or we learn to be happy with what we have. Accept them as is or move on. The choice is up to you." 

Realizing that your spouse is not perfect, but deciding to love them anyway is a clear indicator that a great marriage can be in your future. 

4. You are not trying to save them 

Regardless of the infatuation, you may have with your partner, if you're trying to save them from their own issues including debt, drug/alcohol addiction, legal problems, or even their crazy exes, you shouldn't be thinking about marriage. 

Life some times, is too expensive to be taking on projects or trying to change water into wine. The goal is to find someone who already is what you want in a mate. Too often when it comes to matters of the heart people are quick to dismiss practicality. They believe things will simply work out eventually. Never separate your mind from your heart when making relationship decisions. The purpose of the mind is to protect the heart. Suffering is optional. 

Instead of romanticizing obstacles or challenges and turning a drama-filled relationship into a marriage, find someone that can give you the things you actually want and need without changing them. 

5. You’ve lived your own life. 

It’s true—some high school sweethearts can marry and make it work. But that’s not common. Studies show it’s best to wait until you’re 25 or older to get married. You’re more mature, you’ve lived more of your life. It doesn’t mean you have to date everyone who crosses your path, but you’ve had a chance to meet different people and realize what you want and what you don’t want in your life. This will help you pick your perfect partner. 

6. Your relationship is deep. 

In the beginning, you and your partner flirted, went out a lot, stayed in bed a lot…But if you’re getting married, you need to have a deep relationship. Deeper than just having fun all the time, going out every night, being carefree. You need to be able to tackle tough issues together. 

7. You know and trust your partner. 

No matter how long you guys have been together, you need to know your partner completely. Don’t get married just because you’ve been dating for four years. Get married because you know your partner. You know their past and you know their hopes and dreams. You can imagine their reactions to certain things. You know all this and you still love them. Beyond that, you trust them. Trust is vital for a marriage, so make sure you can trust your partner completely. 

8. You don’t want to change your partner. 

Don’t marry your significant other and think they will change. Marry them because you love them as they are. Making a major commitment won’t change anyone—though it may make you have to work harder on your relationship. Don’t expect the marriage to change your relationship, either. A wedding is not going to heal a major rift between you. 

8. You resolve conflicts together. 

Don’t just gloss over your problems and think forgetting them will make them better. Work out any kinks in your relationship so they won’t blow up later. Don’t get married because you think it will solve a problem. Solve the problem first! If you can’t work out any issues, then you and your partner won’t be able to communicate effectively. Resolving conflicts and compromising in a relationship will make a strong foundation for a healthy marriage. 

9. You make long-term plans together. 

In a new relationship, it’s OK to fly by the seat of your pants. You can change things at the last minute and don’t have to plan beyond your next Saturday night date. Once you get serious and decide to commit to each other, you need to make plans together. What if your partner wants to travel the world? Are you OK with staying home alone, or would you go with your partner? Know what each of you want, and make sure you’re OK with working through these goals and plans together. 

10. Your family and friends like your partner. 

When you’re newly in love, you might feel like that nothing else matters. Once you’re committed, you realize that everything matters. Initially, you might not care that your dad doesn’t approve of your partner. What does it matter when you’re the one dating them? But over time, this small rift will affect your life and your relationship. If your family and friends don’t like your partner, where is your support system? Will you be alienated from your friends and not invited to family events? Also remember that your family and friends know you best, and if they think there’s a problem with your relationship, maybe you should listen. 

11. You can’t imagine your life without your partner. 

Overall, you’re in love with your partner. You can’t see yourself with anyone else. You can’t see yourself without your partner. If you know you can’t be happy with another person, and you’d be incredibly unhappy without your current partner, then let it go and enjoy your loving relationship and marriage! 

12. You’re planning a marriage, not a wedding. 

Weddings are fun parties, a chance to see all your friends and family in one place. But is this why you’re getting married? Do you just want to have a big party and be the center of attention? Weddings last several hours, but a marriage lasts forever. (Hopefully!) Don’t plan for one day—plan for the rest of your lives. Think about how your everyday life will be with your partner, even when you’re not the center of attention. 

13. You are motivated by love — not circumstances or agendas. 

As time progresses and "biological time clocks" start to tick, many couples — or even singles — will make decisions for the wrong reasons. But doing that though can — and most likely will — set you up for a huge disappointment. 

Hopefully you're not considering marriage because all of your friends are married, you had an age goal to be married by, there's an unplanned pregnancy, your potential spouse is wealthy or has influence, one of you is in the military and is about to be deployed, your parents want grandchildren or — worst of all — an ultimatum was given. "A marriage based upon circumstances rather than love is likely to fail. Getting married for the wrong reasons is almost as bad as marrying the wrong person." 

14. You're prepared to make an ongoing effort to keep the magic alive. 

Though relationships — and marriages — are usually noted as being "hard work," the real hard work is finding the right mate. Everything after that is just a "labor of love." 

Essentially relationships are like gardens which require nurturing or else they'll die. No one has to get married or have a garden. "However if it's something you want, then the mature and responsible thing to do is to do whatever it takes to maintain it so that it thrives. There is no neutral gear in marriage. Over time you're either growing together or growing apart. Honest communication is the GPS for relationships which lets you know which direction you're heading in." 

Although many people may feel as if hard work and communication can help you overcome any obstacle in your relationship, nothing can overcome being with someone who just isn't on the same page as you. 

So, examine yourself using these simple points as guidelines. I wish you goodluck... 



Disclaimer: Comment expressed do not reflect the opinion of Isaac Yoma